I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
