We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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