So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
