Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
