u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just gargled with NyQuil
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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