Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
