Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
