Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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