you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
