I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I FOUND THE LEGS
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
