I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
