the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
