I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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