Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
