i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
