I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
