happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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