So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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