you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
