did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
