I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
They left me at home... I'm a liability
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
