So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm like, not good at living.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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