You just made me feel so damn special
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
