we're blogging at a bar
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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