proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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