That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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