you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
