just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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