you win again, gameday.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
