I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
