Don't you send me to vm
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
