Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
handjob tips. give me some.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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