beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
