Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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