This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
