just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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