If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
