my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
