Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Lo siento on account of my penis...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
