My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
