He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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