Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
