STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
