She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
