I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
