think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
