As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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