I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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