I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
