My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
