Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
