Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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