its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
