We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
