No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
