Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
