I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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